This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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