I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
