I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
