happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
