well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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