It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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