you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
