No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
