My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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