She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then the night went full on bisexual.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
