yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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