he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
