Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
