My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
