Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
