Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
