Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
