party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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