Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
