Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
