i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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