I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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