You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
