I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
