dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
