I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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