if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
