Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
