You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
