I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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