Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
