maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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