Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
