I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
