just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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