Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
