this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
