I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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