I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
