The maid of honor just puked.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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