I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
