first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
