My liver just broke up with me...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize