I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
