So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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