Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
