Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
