3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In the future we'll all be gay
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
