He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
