They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
