why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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