Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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