so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
