im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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