My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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