There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
