Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
