so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You did what with his pubic hair?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
