My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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