i need an iv and a liver transplant
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
